How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
