Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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