Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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