where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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