How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
