I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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