You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
