I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
