I must be too annoying 4 u.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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