you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
