You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
