You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
