please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
