I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
