Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh god it's open bar.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
