Do you still have your period?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
