dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
handjob tips. give me some.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
