we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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