we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
