he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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