I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will pee on everything he values.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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