I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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