So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
