First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
