he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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