That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
