found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
