Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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