I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
