Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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