fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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