I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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