theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
