i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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