thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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