making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
