You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
