Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
