True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
