Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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