just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
