Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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