So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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