He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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