I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
