He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
