i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
