Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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