can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
