I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
