Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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