I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
