wat bout pragnant strippers??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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