her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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