Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
