and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
