we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
