Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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