I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
