This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
