watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
