I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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