i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
