I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
