I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You were trust falling into bushes
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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