Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
