sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize