imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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