Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
