everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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