I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's always time for handjobs
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
