I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
