Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize