If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
