you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
