who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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