also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
