Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
