guys are not supposed to queef...right?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
